How to Solve Toddler Bedtime Battles for Good

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Written by: Eva Klein, JD, My Sleeping Baby

Bedtime can be a challenging time for many parents, especially when dealing with a toddler who seems to have boundless energy and an aversion to sleep. Bedtime battles are a common struggle, but fear not – there ARE effective strategies to make bedtime a more peaceful and enjoyable experience for both you and your little one. In this blog post, I’ll explore some practical tips to help you solve toddler bedtime battles for good.

1. Implement a consistent bedtime routine. 

This is extremely important to setting the stage for a smooth bedtime. Toddlers thrive on predictability, and having a regular sequence of calming activities before bed helps signal to their bodies that it's time to wind down. Consider activities such as reading a bedtime story, taking a warm bath, or gentle cuddling.  Consistency is crucial, as it helps create a sense of security and comfort for your child. 

Now, I want to emphasize that this bedtime routine should NOT feel long and drawn-out.  A routine that includes a regular bath should not be longer than 45 minutes maximum.  On non-bath days, your toddler’s bedtime routine shouldn’t be longer than 20-30 minutes.  And if your toddler needs to go to bed earlier than usual, feel free to condense their routine and cut out certain steps, or simply start your bedtime routine much earlier to account for the earlier bedtime. 

If your child enjoys delaying bedtime by asking for “one more book” or “one more song”, be sure to place firm limits around these steps with a set number of bedtime stories, songs, and any other activity they enjoy dragging on!

Make sure most of the routine is happening IN their bedroom so that they can wind down in the space they’ll be sleeping in.

2. Set a realistic bedtime.  

Make sure to set a bedtime that is appropriate for your toddler's age and individual sleep needs. On the one hand, overtired children tend to have more difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. On the other hand, putting your little one to bed too soon will also backfire! 

Keep in mind the following sleep guidelines when figuring out an appropriate bedtime for your little one:

-        An average 18-month-old needs approximately 13.5 hours of sleep over a 24-hour period.  This usually means 11 hours of nighttime sleep and 2.5 hours of daytime sleep.

-        An average 2-year-old needs approximately 13 hours of sleep over a 24-hour period.  This usually means approximately 11 hours of nighttime sleep and 2 hours of daytime sleep.

-        An average 3-year-old needs approximately 12 hours of sleep over a 24-hour period.  This usually means either 11 hours of nighttime and 1 hour of daytime sleep, or 12 hours of nighttime sleep and no napping.

Now, remember that these are general guidelines and are not meant to be set-in-stone recommendations.  Rather, simply use these averages as a guide to help you figure out the type of sleep schedule your little one needs.

3. Limit stimulating activities before bed.

Minimize stimulating activities, especially screen time, at least an hour before bedtime. Electronic devices emit blue light, which can interfere with the production of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin. Instead, opt for calm and quiet activities to help your child unwind.

4. Create a relaxing sleep environment

A comfortable sleep environment can work wonders in helping your toddler feel secure and relaxed at bedtime. Make sure you’ve got blackout blinds on the windows, noise levels are minimal, and the temperature is comfortable. Many children benefit from having a favorite stuffed animal or blanket for added comfort.

5. Address bedtime fears

Many toddlers may experience fears and anxieties around bedtime. It's essential to address these fears and provide reassurance. Take the time to talk to your child about their concerns and offer gentle support. Consider using a nightlight or encouraging them to snuggle with their lovey of choice so that falling asleep in their bed feels more comfortable. 

Don’t allow your child to be exposed to any scary TV shows, movies, or stories that can trigger their bedtime fears.

6. Offer age-appropriate choices.

Toddlers love to feel a sense of control. Offer them choices during their bedtime routine to empower them and make them more cooperative. For example, ask them to pick out a bedtime story or choose their favorite pajamas. This simple act of choice can make a significant difference in their willingness to go to bed.

7. Avoid caffeine and sugary foods. 

Toddlers should avoid caffeine and sugary foods, especially in the late afternoon and evening. These substances can interfere with their ability to relax and fall asleep easily. Go for healthier snacks and drinks that promote better sleep quality.

8. Be a role model.

Children often imitate their parents' behavior. Set a positive example by establishing a bedtime routine for yourself and sticking to it. Try to talk openly about what your bedtime routine looks like when YOU get tired and are ready to go to sleep.  You can also talk to your toddler about the amazing benefits of sleep, such as that it allows our muscles to grow and our boo-boos to go away!  When your child sees that you prioritize sleep and relaxation, they are more likely to follow suit.

9. Celebrate progress.  

Finally, celebrate every step of progress in your child's bedtime routine. Positive reinforcement goes a long way in encouraging good sleep habits. Praise your toddler when they follow the bedtime routine, and offer words of encouragement if they have a tough night.  Sticker charts involving immediate rewards for cooperating at bedtime can go a long way!

10. Be patient and understanding.  

It's natural for toddlers to test boundaries, and bedtime is no exception. Be patient and understanding during this process. Avoid raising your voice or becoming frustrated, as this may escalate the situation. Instead, remain calm and reassuring, guiding your child gently towards the bedtime routine.  Review tips 1-9 and see if any changes need to be made.

In conclusion, solving toddler bedtime battles requires patience, consistency, and understanding. Remember, every child is unique, so be prepared to adjust your approach as needed. With time and perseverance, bedtime can become a peaceful and cherished time of the day for both you and your little one. Sweet dreams!

Eva Klein is a Pediatric Sleep Consultant, owner of My Sleeping Baby, and a mom of 3.  She helps exhausted parents across the globe get higher-quality, more restful sleep through her renowned sleep courses, private coaching, and corporate seminars.  Grab a copy of her free sleep chart here that has all her suggested wake windows, nap totals, and overall sleep totals for little ones ages 0-5!