Did you know these are the most important moments of a child’s day?
With the stress and, for many, the nonstop 24/7 parenting in a pandemic, it’s easy to get lost in the repetition of each day. Moving from mealtime to sleep times, work to chores, tantrum to tantrum, distance learning to dinner, it can feel so overwhelming. And you may just be trying to get through the day. Through that tough moment. But I hope this post will help provide some assurance that you don’t have to be “on” 24/7 as a parent. Focusing on a few particular interactions each day will help your child feel happier and more secure.
Dr. Jaak Panksepp was a neuroscientist and psychologist who theorized that providing children with “positive emotional systems… [leads] to their broadening, cultivation and development… As a general principle, the larger the sphere of influence of the positive emotions, the more likely the child is to become a productive and happy member of society.”
So consider that these are the most important moments of a child’s day:
the first 3 minutes you connect with them after they wake
the first 3 minutes you reconnect with them after they nap/go to school/you go to work
the last 3 minutes of the day at bedtime
Creating a healthy emotional environment for our kids doesn’t have to be complicated.
FIRST 3 MINUTES OF THE DAY
Start with your morning greeting! Instead of rushing to complete the first task of the morning routine, take the time to cuddle and connect before you command. Hold them, sing while you change their diaper, read a short book, ask about their dreams, talk quietly about the day, or simply sit together in silence as they rouse from their sleep. Set the tone for a positive day before you rush through breakfast and out the door.
FIRST 3 MINUTES AFTER YOUR LONGEST SEPARATION OF THE DAY
After your child naps, returns from school/daycare, or after you end your workday - whatever their longest separation from you - come together with your child. Greet them with a warm, “Hello! I missed you!” even if they’ve only napped for 30 minutes and you feel like you just saw them. After school, many children may be grumpy. Perhaps they’re tired, perhaps they’ve missed you, perhaps they’ve been holding it together the whole day and just need to fall apart with you. Avoid asking a lot of questions when you reconnect with them after a separation. Let them decompress and skip the “How was your day?” question. Offer a cuddle and a snack, as that may serve as an opportunity for them to feel calm and comfortable and open up about their day.
LAST 3 MINUTES BEFORE THEY GO TO SLEEP
It’s probably not a huge surprise that bedtime is an important time in a child’s day. But it’s a good reminder rhr even when we want to rush through because we are exhausted and ready to say “good night” our little ones so we can have time to ourselves, that this time is so special and meaningful to them. Don’t spend it rushing or nagging; spend those last 3 minutes before turning out the light snuggling, talking about the day, repairing after any challenges, telling them you love them, and wishing them sweet dreams.
